I have a brother called Jason.He has two big eyes,one big mouse,taller than the P4 students even thought he is in P2!and black hair,he is the most annoying in my hole family!Everyday,he follow me and ask me to listen to him and said he is my brother!If i don’t listen to him,he will be very mad  and talk to you forever until you will listen to him!one time,he lost his pen and i had the same one as the pen he had lost,so he started to blamed me even though i did not still his pen and talk talk talk until i give him my pen!At night,he will ask you to tell him a story and if you don’t,he will do something does very disgusting like put is finger in to his mouse and after he will put his finger on to your face!     
THIS IS MY ANNOYING BROTHER!

修改后：
I have a brother called Jason.He has two big eyes,one big mouse and black hair. He is taller than most of the students in P4 even though he is in P2! He is the most annoying person in my family!

He follows me and asks me to listen to him every day. Why? He says he is my brother! If I don’t listen to him,he will be very mad  and talk to you until I listen to him! One day,he lost his pen. And I had a same pen as the lost one, so he started to blamed me even though I did not steal his pen. He had troubled me a lot until I gave him my pen!

At night, he always asks me to tell him a story. If I don’t do it, he will do something disgusting
like putting his finger in to his mouth and then put the finger on to my face!                                                     

THIS IS MY ANNOYING BROTHER!

修改老师：
Andy 老师

    四年级:Jessie Xu