There was once a little boy that wanted to be a good captain, but he knew that he was too poor for that; and so he made up a plan to go a world called Penny. It was a funny name but he didn’t mind. He also thought that his family wouldn’t let him to go on such a long trip, for Penny that world was a hundred100 miles more away. It was a very, very long journey for a boy only 10 years old to do.

  He insisted that in the night where nobody could find him gone; and so he set off in 1981, where he could find some kind people in New York. He got his purse, and set off on his journey a day before the year; he went off at March, starting with bare feet; he met on his way a little girl wishing so much for money, and he picked up his purse; but found out that he had but only a little bit of copper coins, there was not enough for her.

  He stopped a while for about 10 days to find a job to earn money; he was always kind, and was willing to help others when they are in need. At last he got 100 cents with was 100 silver coins, and that paid the little girl wealthily, he still kept the copper coins in emergencies.

  After two more days of journeying, he found a place where it was icy and cold, he knew that he couldn’t make it to Penny in time, and, so, made a comfortable shelter to stay in until spring; where he came out happily, and started off in 1982. When he at last reached Penny, he found a good job, and paid it off with the copper coins.

  He preferred the money to his whole family, and got $100 in return to the kind people with which helped him when he was like, in trouble or something like. That, it was good that nobody ever questioned him where he was that whole time when he went back; but he was still glad that he got to help his family. When he recovered, he felt a little bit sad, and lay down; the next morning when his parents came into his recovering house to take him home to rest and play, they found his two hands clasped on his white covered sheet bed, as if dead.

  This place comes where his parents were shocked; they knew that this was the boy’s last sleep, the cried bitterly all night long, while there was still a smile on the hero’s face.

修改后：

There was once a little boy that wanted to be a good captain, but he knew that he was too poor to do that. So he made up a plan to go a world called Penny. It was a funny name but he didn’t mind. He also thought that his family wouldn’t let him to go on such a long trip, for Penny that world was a hundred100 miles more away. It was a very, very long journey for a boy only 10 years old to do.

  He insisted that he would go away on a night when nobody could find him, so he set off on a day in March, 1981. He got his purse, starting his journey with bare feet. On his way, he met a little girl wishing so much for money. He picked up his purse, but found out that he had but only a little bit of copper coins, which was not enough for her.

  He stopped a while for about 10 days to find a job to earn money. He was always kind, and was willing to help others when they were in need. At last he got 100 cents which were 100 silver coins, then he sent the little girl the coins wealthily. However, he still kept the copper coins in emergencies.

  After two more days of journey, he arrived at a place where it was icy and cold. He knew that he couldn’t make it to Penny in time, so he made a comfortable shelter to stay in until spring. He started off in 1982. When he at last reached Penny, he found a good job, and paid it off with the copper coins.

  He preferred the money to his whole family. He got $100 for the kind people who helped him when he was in trouble as a return. It was good that nobody ever questioned him where he was that whole time when he went back; but he was still glad that he could help his family. When he recovered, he felt a little bit sad, and lay down. The next morning when his parents came into his recovering house to take him home to rest, they found his two hands clasped on his white covered sheet bed, as if he had been dead.

  His parents were shocked; they knew that it was the boy’s last sleep, they cried bitterly all night long, while there was still a smile on the hero’s face.

修改老师：

Andy老师

    四年级:欧阳雨鹭