There was once a little girl called Lulu, who is also me, that wanted to visit the moon for just one time. And so I packed up everything that I will need, and went to the space port to get ready.

 Before we took off, I just ate a sandwich and dreamed if I were an astronaut. “3, 2, 1…” and we blasted off to outer space. I was so excited that I even took notes when we were still on the ship. I wrote these words which I only have in my own brain; they were, “I love flying on the space ship and learn about outer space, although I am not even on the moon,” those words I thought that would make my father proud.

  Now since we had already reached the moon, I got down and jumped up, and figured that I could jump very high. I knew why because I learned it in science class today, and so I wrote, “On the moon, I can jump very high because that our weight is lighter on the moon according to its gravity.” I love exploring, and heard that there were also aliens here.

  I was really excited, and asked some of the real alive astronauts if the aliens were true, some of them said yes but some of them said no; I was confused, “Why did some say yes and some say no? I think that I shall have to find out;” after saying those words I and the astronauts went around and around the moon looking for aliens. At first I thought that we could find some, but after an hour we began to feel more that the aliens didn’t exist at all; some of the astronauts smiled.

  I didn’t know why they smiled but I thought that it was pretty natural. After one minute I heard a thumping noise, and a queer sound coming from the darks side of the moon. I looked over there and saw some queer little fellows heading their way, they had no where to hide, and so they found a pile of rock which was by our side; and went to hide. When the little queer men went away we came out of our hiding spot and went on. I began to write, “I knew at once that they must be the aliens…” I thought it was a cool report and the astronauts smiled again.

  I did not know what they were smiling at, probably their habit or something perhaps? After thinking about that queer question I heard another thumping sound and some huge men walked pass them just as the little ones did. I was now really confused, “Some little and some big ones?” perhaps they were having a game or something like that.

  After the tour, I was very excited to give my report to my father and so hopped on the space ship to go back to earth. But there was a problem; they couldn’t find where they lived. The astronauts smiled and didn’t say a word. I was now extra confused because I thought that they were nervous too. And so they took another passage to Africa where it is the place best to have a safari, which is to have a picnic with wild animals around them.

  After landing I said, “Why did you take this pass?” and then after that they smiled again, I was still confused. When I turned my head in front of myself, I saw dad on the ground with wild animals all around him. Now I remembered that it was my birthday; I was so surprised, and even the aliens came. Now I know the whole plan about this.

修改后：

There was once a little girl called Lulu, who was me, wanted to visit the moon for just one time. So I packed up everything that I needed, and went to the space port to get ready.

 Before we took off, I just ate a sandwich and dreamed I had been an astronaut. “3, 2, 1…” and we blasted off to outer space. I was so excited that I even took notes when we were still on the ship. I wrote these words which I only have in my own brain; they were, “I love flying on the space ship and learn about outer space, although I am not even on the moon,” I thought those words would make my father proud.

  When we reached the moon, I got down and jumped up, and figured that I could jump very high. I knew why because I learned it in science class. So I wrote, “On the moon, I can jump very high because our weight is lighter on the moon according to its gravity.” I loved exploring, and heard that there were also aliens there.

  I was really excited, and asked some of the real alive astronauts if the aliens were true, some of them said yes but some of them said no, so I was confused. “Why did some say yes and some say no?" I thought that I should have to find it out. Then the astronauts and I went around and around the moon looking for aliens. At first I thought that we could find some, but an hour later, we began to doubt that the aliens didn’t exist at all. Some of the astronauts smiled.

  I didn’t know why they smiled but I thought that it was pretty natural. One minute later, I heard a thumping noise, and a queer sound coming from the darks side of the moon. I looked over there and saw some queer little fellows heading their way. They had no where to hide, so they found a pile of rock which was by our side. When the little queer men went away, we came out of our hiding spot and went on. I began to write, “I knew at once that they must be the aliens…” I thought it was a cool report and the astronauts smiled again.

  I did not know what they were smiling at, perhaps their habit or something else? After thinking about that queer question, I heard another thumping sound and some huge men walked pass them just as the little ones did. I was now really confused, “Some little and some big ones?” Perhaps they were having a game or something like that.

  After the tour, I was very excited to give my report to my father and hopped on the space ship to go back to earth. But there was a problem; they couldn’t find where they lived. The astronauts smiled and didn’t say a word. I was now extra confused because I thought they were nervous too. And so they took another passage to Africa where it is the best place to have a safari, which is to have a picnic with wild animals around them.

  After landing I said, “Why did you take this pass?” and then they smiled again, I was still confused. When I turned my head in front of myself, I saw dad on the ground with wild animals all around him. Now I remembered that it was my birthday. I was so surprised, and even the aliens came. Suddenly, I realized the whole plan.

    四年级:欧阳雨鹭