There was once a little girl named Mary that wanted a phone so badly that her parents couldn’t help bearing her crying; and so got her a phone with purple dots and a little smiley face on it.

  And so life went on as usual, until one day, when she was walking down town, she saw a house, and filled with decorations; she knew at once that this house was having a party with somebody. Perhaps they were celebrating a birthday, or Happy Anniversary… Mary really wanted to enter the party, and so asked them to please, please let her in and had a great time. Since they had more space they had the offer, but they had a request for her to grant them before they let her in.

  And that request was to make bread for the poor and buy milk for them to drink. That sounds like an easy request to grant. And so used her phone to call her dad and so to get some bread and milk for the poor to deliver, but there was a problem, “No allowed phones!” cried the owner of the house standing out, he held onto Mary’s phone and pulled it out of her hand; he erased the telephone box which was in the last, and so Mary couldn’t call her parents. After that he erased the message box which was in the first, last of all he took the batteries out, in case she had some other plans.

  “There, now you couldn’t use your phone anymore,” and the owner went inside. And so poor Mary used her allowance which was for a new dress for the school party, to buy bread and milk for the poor; she was very sad, and went back and said that she had finished her work.

  “Where is your proof?” asked the owner again, “I-I didn’t know you wanted me to give you proof?” “Well then you are out,” and he closed the door tightly.

修改后：

There was once a little girl named Mary that wanted a phone so badly that her parents couldn’t help bearing her crying and got her a phone with purple dots and a little smiley face on it.

  So life went on as usual until one day. when she was walking down town, she saw a house, filled with decorations. She knew at once that this house was having a party for somebody. Perhaps they were celebrating a birthday, or Happy Anniversary… Mary really wanted to enter the party, so she begged them to let her in and have a great time. They promised to let her in as long as she could do what they asked.

  And that request was to make bread for the poor and buy milk for them to drink. That sounded like an easy request to grant, so she used her phone to call her dad to get some bread and milk for the poor. But there was a problem, “No phones allowed!” cried the owner of the house standing out. He held onto Mary’s phone and pulled it out of her hand. He deleted her phone numbers and message box, and then he took the batteries out, in case she had some other plans.

  “There, now you couldn’t use your phone anymore,” and the owner went inside. So poor Mary used her pocket money which was for a new dress for the school party, to buy bread and milk for the poor; she was very sad, and went back and said that she had finished her work.

  “Where is your proof?” asked the owner again, “I-I didn’t know you wanted me to give you proof?” “Well then you are out,” and he closed the door tightly.

    四年级:欧阳雨鹭