I was just a little girl five years old. At that age, I did nothing. Every morning I would get up early and start dressing up to the playground to play. I have no friends, but I am curious that I could make some by sharing things. And so I took some bread from the cupboard, took a bottle of milk and ran to the playground.

  There were many children playing there: Some were playing hide and seek, some were playing tag; some were playing catch, some were playing toys; some were building sand castle… I ran to the sand pile, there I met some girls building sand castles. I asked, “May I sit down here, please?” “Suit yourself coward!” shouted the girls rudely at me.

  And so I sat down and began to play. After I had finished half my sand castle, I heard the girls say, “I am so hungry, but I don’t have money to buy thing,” and then it hit me; “I have some bread to share with them.” And so I took some bread out of my bag, and said, “Here, have some bread.” When the girls took the bread they ate it and said, “Well, well; looks like we have a hero. But I am not going to be your friend!”

  I had spread some jam on my bread and took another piece, put it on top and started to eat. When I had finished the last bite, I put the rest in my bag, and went away. I was very sad that sharing things didn’t help me make friends; I shall have to think of another. After ten days I have thought of another way, and so started out to the fields. There sat a girl shepherd sitting next a rock. Now it all happened that this girl was the one that had helped me with everything I have.

  I quietly took out a piece of paper, and wrote some words: I haven’t seen you for a long time, and so have decided to write you this. I want to thank you for all you have done for me in the past few years, what do you want me to do you for this month? After I had finished writing the last words, I put it inside an envelope; licked the stamp, and stuck in on the right corner of the envelope; at last closed the top.

  After that, I ran to her mail box and put it inside, and then went home. After a few days I have found a letter from the shepherd girl in my mailbox. I carefully opened it, and in it was a piece of paper; on the paper were some words, these are the words: I am very grateful for your kindness, but really I have much work to do in the fields; If you come here and be a shepherd with me; then that is the most best thing you could do for me. After reading this, I thought to myself: I am alone so I guess I could be a shepherd. And so I told my parents, and set off.

  Finally, I had arrived; the shepherd girl came to meet me. “Now I am you friend Margaret.” said the shepherd girl to me.

修改后 

  I was just a little girl five years old. At that age, I did nothing. Every morning I would get up early and start dressing up to the playground to play. I have no friends, but I was curious that I could make some by sharing things. And so I took some bread from the cupboard, took a bottle of milk and ran to the playground.

  There were many children playing there: Some were playing hide and seek, some were playing tag; some were playing catch, some were playing toys; some were building sand castle… I ran to the sand pile, there I met some girls building sand castles. I asked, “May I sit down here, please?” “Suit yourself coward!” shouted the girls rudely at me.

  And I sat down and began to play. After I had finished half my sand castle, I heard the girls say, “I am so hungry, but I don’t have money to buy food,” and then it hit me; “I have some bread to share with them.” So I took some bread out of my bag, and said, “Here, have some bread.” When the girls took the bread they ate it and said, “Well, well; looks like we have a hero. But I am not going to be your friend!”

  I had spread some jam on my bread and took another piece, put it on top and started to eat. When I had finished the last bite, I put the rest in my bag, and went away. I was very sad that sharing things didn’t help me make friends; I shall have to think of another. After ten days I have thought of another way and started out to the fields. There sat a girl shepherd sitting next a rock. Now it all happened that this girl was the one that had helped me with everything I have.

  I quietly took out a piece of paper, and wrote some words: I haven’t seen you for a long time and have decided to write you this. I want to thank you for all you have done for me in the past few years, what do you want me to do you for this month? After I had finished writing the last words, I put it inside an envelope; licked the stamp, and stuck in on the right corner of the envelope; at last closed the top.

  After that, I ran to her mail box and put it inside and then went home. After a few days I have found a letter from the shepherd girl in my mailbox. I carefully opened it, and in it was a piece of paper; on the paper were some words, these are the words: I am very grateful for your kindness, but really I have much work to do in the fields; If you come here and be a shepherd with me; then that is the most best thing you could do for me. After reading this, I thought to myself: I am alone so I guess I could be a shepherd. So I told my parents and set off.

  Finally, I had arrived; the shepherd girl came to meet me. “Now I am you friend Margaret.” said the shepherd girl to me.

    四年级:欧阳雨鹭