hi!I’m Zhao Ziwen.    I was a happy boy.BecauseI had a happy family.but,I’m very very sad now.Why?Because my dad isn’t health. he drinks alcohol every day.he is angry every day.My mom is sad,too.So I grow up can’t drink alcohol,I can’t!  I’m only 13 old,but I’m clever.I have a noble dream! I want go America!I want to go to havord!I’m confident!HaHa!     My birthday is in July. I love building blocks.My favorite food is hamburger! I want have a look the world.The very very large world!

修改后：

  Hi! I’m Zhao Ziwen. My birthday is in July. I love building blocks. My favorite food is hamburgers!      

  I was a happy boy because I had a happy family. But I’m very very sad now.Why?Because my dad isn’t healthy. He drinks alcohol every day. He is angry every day.My mom is sad,too. I won’t drink alcohol when I grow up. I won’t!  

  I’m only 13 years old, but I’m clever. I have a noble dream! I want to go to America!I want to go to Harvard! I’m confident! HaHa!    

  I want have a look the world. The very very large world!

修改教师 ：Andy老师

    六年级:赵子文