Mavis was speechless. She looked on helplessly as the students around her were jumping and squealing excitedly. They no doubt had gotten good results for their English examination. With her trembling hands, Mavis glanced at her own examination paper. the moment she saw her results, the    new had hit her like an explosion that shattered her mind as the horrible red ink burned like an      afterimage in her mind.
A thousand thoughts flashed through her mind," How am I going to explain this terrible marks to my  parents? They’ll be so disappointed in me!" she murmured sadly. worry held her like a vice-like grip,    then she started lamenting helplessly. Mavis parents have always expected her to get remarkable   results. She did not want to disappoint them at all !
Hearing her miserable cries, Mary, Mavis’s best friend, who was also the top scorer in English, immediately understand her worries. She decided to help Mavis so she gave her her notebook and explained the mistakes she made in her examination papers.
After weeks of practices, Mavis marks improved steadily

Time flies fast, it was soon Mavis’ final year exam. she had prepared for that day but she is still very nervous. After examination, she could not believe that the paper was so easy! The day she received her result, she was over the moon , she got A1. She thanked Mary profusely for her help and encouragement. Mary replied " No, the credits are not all mine, its your own effort, i just guided you a bit." Mavis did know what to say but she put this deep in her heart , this is what it call friendship!

修改后：

Mavis was speechless. She looked on helplessly as the students around her were jumping and squealing excitedly. It was no doubt that they had gotten good results in their English examination. With her trembling hands, Mavis glanced at her own examination paper. the moment she saw her results, the score hit her like an explosion that shattered her mind as the horrible red ink burned like an      afterimage in her mind.
A thousand thoughts flashed through her mind," How am I going to explain this terrible marks to my  parents? They’ll be so disappointed in me!" she murmured sadly. worry held her like a vice-like grip, then she started lamenting helplessly. Mavis’ parents have always expected her to get remarkable results. She did not want to disappoint them at all !
Hearing her miserable cries, Mary, Mavis’s best friend, who was also the top scorer in English, understood her worries immediately. She decided to help Mavis. So she gave her notebook to Mavis and explained the mistakes she made in her examination papers.
After weeks of practices, Mavis’ English improved steadily.

Time flies fast, it was soon to have final exams. she had prepared for that day but she was still very nervous. After examination, she could not believe that the paper was so easy! The day she received her result, she was over the moon , she got A1. She thanked Mary profusely for her help and encouragement. Mary replied " No, the credits are not all mine, it’s your own effort, I just guided you a bit." Mavis did know what to say but she put this deep in her heart , this is what we call friendship!

    初一:Jun Hong ;)